y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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