i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
