already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
