After last night, I could never be a politician.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
