I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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