This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
