I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
