I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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