you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
