Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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