He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
