Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
