is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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