I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
