Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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