I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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