That's when you crack a 10am beer
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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