WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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