***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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