So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
