Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
