Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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