looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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