He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
