I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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