She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
