And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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