I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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