how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
