they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
