sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
