Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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