I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
