You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
