At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
