On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
