who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
