I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize