When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
