I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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