He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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