wakey wakey hands off snakey
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
