He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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