I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
