You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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