bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize