Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
