Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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