Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
