This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
