Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
