My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
