Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
