I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
