Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
