if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
