Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
