I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
