billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to sanitize my soul.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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