Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
