Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
