you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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