I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
