remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What drink are we having for lunch?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
