Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
