Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I want a musical about memes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
