so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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