he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
