So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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