It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize