4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You pole danced in your parka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
