he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
